I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
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