Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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