its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
