I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
