Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
