to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
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