okay pat passed out under dana's car
I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize