Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
you inspire me to be a worse person
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
I need a beard to bite.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
