can we get nightvision for the apartment?
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Randomize
