So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
