So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
