i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Randomize
