The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
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