I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
