He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
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