Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
This house was built for laser tag.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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