At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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