A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
