Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
