In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
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