Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Randomize
