Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
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