His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
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