i think my mom watched the whole time
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize