well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
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