take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
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