i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Randomize