I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
