i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
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