somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
