Don't make out with my wife yet
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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