I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
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