and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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