as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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