ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Randomize
