Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
