A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
Help. Why am I so naked?
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
