Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
My ass is underappreciated
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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