theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
