You're so nebulous sometimes
I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
