so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
True strength comes from lack of pants
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Randomize
