Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
