He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Randomize
