She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
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