They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
