She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize
