no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
i would one night stand the shit outta him
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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