Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
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I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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