Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
you didnt know i had herpes?
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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