She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
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