even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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