I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
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