i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
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