do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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