i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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