What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
