you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
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