what if every blade of grass was a penis?
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
