No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
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