last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize