final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
Randomize
