Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
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