i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
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