beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize