at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
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