My hair reeks of homosexuality.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
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