Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Randomize