corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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