You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
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