32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
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