if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
It's blow job season.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
