she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
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