I only kidnapped one of them. chill
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
