just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
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