how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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