omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
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