Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
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