I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
you're hired as official boob wrangler
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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