We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
