This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Randomize
