How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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