You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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