the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
