why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
