Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
