I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
