i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize