i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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