I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
