Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
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