In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
