Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
